Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
