its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
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