So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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