one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
