i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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