she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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