I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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