planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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