No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
