you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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