Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
