She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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