Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
