i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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