I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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