You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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