Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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