i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
