He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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