i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
