I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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