I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
