If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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