She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
