Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
