I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
