She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
