just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
