Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
