just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
