dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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