you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
