oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
