I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
