i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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