I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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