tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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