i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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