Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize