At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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