people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
