i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
