exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
