I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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