Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
