god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
