She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
