Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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