My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
