so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
