You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
