Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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