Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
