no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
