I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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