Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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