Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
