you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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