I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
